How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
