OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
