guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
