I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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