Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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