Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
