While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
