the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
