I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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