Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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