nut hugger
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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