The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
