I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
