your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
