so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
