im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
