You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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