The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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