Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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