I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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