I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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