i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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