I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
