I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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