She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
