Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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