Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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