i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
