dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
FUCK WHALES
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