I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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