if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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