Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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