I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Randomize
