you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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