he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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