you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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