Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
