just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize