So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
