just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
