our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
