Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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