who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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