I got chris browned last night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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