Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
