Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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