Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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