I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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