You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
