Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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