I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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