doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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