so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
