well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
