my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
