Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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