idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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