I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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