if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Couch. On fire.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
