Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
