Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
