walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
