I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
