If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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