I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
