Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
