I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
