you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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