This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
