I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
