I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think my moral compass just broke
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
