her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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