my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
