im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
