You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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