I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
accomplished twins. life is a go
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
