I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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