it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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