If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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