I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
