I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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