Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
