She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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