i think i have two assholes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
