You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i black out too much to be "responsible"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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