Already got asked if we're dating
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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