Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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