Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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