If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
