We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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