Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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