When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
