are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
