I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
