I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
