No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
